Desperately, helplessly, lovingly I cried,
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Wait, you say, wait," my indignant reply,
"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why! Is your hand shortened, or have you
not heard? By faith I have asked and am claiming your Word. My future and all
to which I can relate, hangs in the balance and YOU tell me WAIT? I'm needing a
'Yes' a go-ahead sign, or even a 'No' to which I can resign. And Lord, you
promised that if we believe, we need but to ask and we shall receive. And Lord,
I've been asking and this is my cry: 'I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.'"
Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting, for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.
All you seek I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
when darkness and silence were all you could see;
You would never experience that fullness of love,
as the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You would know that I give and save, for a start, but you'd not know the depth of
the beat of My heart, the glow of My comfort late in the night, the faith I give
when you walk without sight, the depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.
You never would know, should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee!'
Yes, your dreams for that loved one overnight would come true,
but oh the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you!"
"So be silent, My child, and in time you will see,
that the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me;
And though oft may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still WAIT."
By Russell Kelfer
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Can the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?
It has taken me a while to write this.
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
As most of you know, 365 days ago, my world fell apart.
Along with the story I'm about to tell you, many other things were going on.
My older brother, Michael (26), is not a Christian.
My older sister, Ashley (22), became pregnant by her boy friend. She also is not a Christian.
My other sister, Lauren (17), has an eating disorder. we found out a lot of things happened to her unwillingly when she was little, she was not right with her relationship with Christ, and a bunch more that I cannot say.
My mother was always crying in her room, and my dad was always working.
All of this being said, and the story I'm about to tell you, I have never been under more stressed, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
My little sister, Kayden Grace, was taken away from us and placed into a foster home on May 5th 2009, all because my mother gave a little baby some medicine.
The same medicine that was prescribed to him, but it had another Childs name on it.
My mother told the doctor this, thinking she had nothing to hide.
They pressed charges, telling us we were abusive to the foster kids in our home, so they came and took all five of them.
Kayden was not a foster child, but we had not adopted her yet because we felt that there was no reason to go into debt in adopting her if there was no rush.
Later did we learn that there was a rush.
I have not see my little angel in 351 days, and she has not been home in 365.
As most of you know, she was more than a sister to me. She came into our home when she was 4 days old, and we had her right up to two weeks before her 4th birthday. We were the only family she ever knew. The ones she called 'mommy' and 'daddy'.
I would often be out in public, and people would stop us and say, "You girls are sisters, aren't you? You look so much alike!"
We taught her to walk, to talk, to sing, her numbers, animal noises...
She would often sing to me as we took walks to the park.
She would hold the foster children in her arms and welcome them with open arms.
When she was little, we would point to an animal and we would say, "what is this animal called?" She would say, "Dawwwwwwgg" no matter the animal.
She would often ask me to put her 'lip-lops' and her other make-up on her, and she would often do mine.
She told me "you'll be alright Hannah-Cake. It's okay." when I was crying and freezing of fever.
She would always make a mess with bubbles in the bath tub.
She would always wake me up early telling me, "the sun's up Hannah! It's time for us to get up!"
She would sometimes be crying in the car, and nothing would make her stop, until we'd start singing the 'backyardagains' theme song.
We would stay up late in bed being 'Julie and Sam' with our fingers. We'd pray and she'd make me give her a full body massage.
We would make cookies together, and she'd put it on my face, then lick it off!!
We'd dress up as ballerinas and tell her she could do ballet when she was ours.
She’d drive us crazy singing 'your mamma don't dance and your daddy don't rock-n-roll'.
She’d go for an hour talking, then suddenly stop and say, "I like to talk."
The way she thought everyone’s name should end with an 'en' so you called dad 'Dadden'.
The special way she said I love you with your fingers.
She said 'pliglet' instead of piglet.
I love the way she'd always give Eskimo kisses, and the way she said 'That tickles my tummy!' when she went to high on the swing.
She told us she loved us as we promised we'd come and pick her up tomorrow.
A couple years ago, when Kayden was about two, and we knew we were going to adopt her one day, I had a nightmare of someone coming and taking Kayden.
I haven't told many people this, but now I know God was warning me..
After that dream, whenever she left the room, or went somewhere without me, I'd always say, "I love you Kay." and she'd say it back.
I always made sure the last thing she heard before she went to sleep, were, "I love you".
Those who knew Kayden, and saw her with us, know that, here, with us, is the best place for her. We love her more than you can imagine.
I do not expect you to understand, but I do ask you to keep her in yours prayers. When she gets older, she probably won't remember us, but she'll always wonder why she finds it so hard to trust other people.
We let her down. We lie to her. I hope she forgets us.
I do not understand why God has put us through this. More importantly put HER through this.
Though I do not understand, I have chosen to except it. His ways are bigger than mine.
At first, in the couple of days that I couldn't do anything but cry, I kept telling myself, "When Jesus was on this earth, he didn't go through this. He didn't have someone he loved so much taken away from him."
It wasn't until a couple weeks later that I realized, God goes through this every day. He knows where His children are, but he can't talk to them. He can't spend time with them, and love them. Not unless we allow Him to.
This being said, I will not put Him through what I'm having to go through. I will continue to follow Him. What else could I do?
I hope you never have to go through anything that I had to. I pray for you every day, hoping you realize how lucky you are and that you never, ever, take what you have for granted. God had blessed us with so much, and we seldom realize it.
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
As most of you know, 365 days ago, my world fell apart.
Along with the story I'm about to tell you, many other things were going on.
My older brother, Michael (26), is not a Christian.
My older sister, Ashley (22), became pregnant by her boy friend. She also is not a Christian.
My other sister, Lauren (17), has an eating disorder. we found out a lot of things happened to her unwillingly when she was little, she was not right with her relationship with Christ, and a bunch more that I cannot say.
My mother was always crying in her room, and my dad was always working.
All of this being said, and the story I'm about to tell you, I have never been under more stressed, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
My little sister, Kayden Grace, was taken away from us and placed into a foster home on May 5th 2009, all because my mother gave a little baby some medicine.
The same medicine that was prescribed to him, but it had another Childs name on it.
My mother told the doctor this, thinking she had nothing to hide.
They pressed charges, telling us we were abusive to the foster kids in our home, so they came and took all five of them.
Kayden was not a foster child, but we had not adopted her yet because we felt that there was no reason to go into debt in adopting her if there was no rush.
Later did we learn that there was a rush.
I have not see my little angel in 351 days, and she has not been home in 365.
As most of you know, she was more than a sister to me. She came into our home when she was 4 days old, and we had her right up to two weeks before her 4th birthday. We were the only family she ever knew. The ones she called 'mommy' and 'daddy'.
I would often be out in public, and people would stop us and say, "You girls are sisters, aren't you? You look so much alike!"
We taught her to walk, to talk, to sing, her numbers, animal noises...
She would often sing to me as we took walks to the park.
She would hold the foster children in her arms and welcome them with open arms.
When she was little, we would point to an animal and we would say, "what is this animal called?" She would say, "Dawwwwwwgg" no matter the animal.
She would often ask me to put her 'lip-lops' and her other make-up on her, and she would often do mine.
She told me "you'll be alright Hannah-Cake. It's okay." when I was crying and freezing of fever.
She would always make a mess with bubbles in the bath tub.
She would always wake me up early telling me, "the sun's up Hannah! It's time for us to get up!"
She would sometimes be crying in the car, and nothing would make her stop, until we'd start singing the 'backyardagains' theme song.
We would stay up late in bed being 'Julie and Sam' with our fingers. We'd pray and she'd make me give her a full body massage.
We would make cookies together, and she'd put it on my face, then lick it off!!
We'd dress up as ballerinas and tell her she could do ballet when she was ours.
She’d drive us crazy singing 'your mamma don't dance and your daddy don't rock-n-roll'.
She’d go for an hour talking, then suddenly stop and say, "I like to talk."
The way she thought everyone’s name should end with an 'en' so you called dad 'Dadden'.
The special way she said I love you with your fingers.
She said 'pliglet' instead of piglet.
I love the way she'd always give Eskimo kisses, and the way she said 'That tickles my tummy!' when she went to high on the swing.
She told us she loved us as we promised we'd come and pick her up tomorrow.
A couple years ago, when Kayden was about two, and we knew we were going to adopt her one day, I had a nightmare of someone coming and taking Kayden.
I haven't told many people this, but now I know God was warning me..
After that dream, whenever she left the room, or went somewhere without me, I'd always say, "I love you Kay." and she'd say it back.
I always made sure the last thing she heard before she went to sleep, were, "I love you".
Those who knew Kayden, and saw her with us, know that, here, with us, is the best place for her. We love her more than you can imagine.
I do not expect you to understand, but I do ask you to keep her in yours prayers. When she gets older, she probably won't remember us, but she'll always wonder why she finds it so hard to trust other people.
We let her down. We lie to her. I hope she forgets us.
I do not understand why God has put us through this. More importantly put HER through this.
Though I do not understand, I have chosen to except it. His ways are bigger than mine.
At first, in the couple of days that I couldn't do anything but cry, I kept telling myself, "When Jesus was on this earth, he didn't go through this. He didn't have someone he loved so much taken away from him."
It wasn't until a couple weeks later that I realized, God goes through this every day. He knows where His children are, but he can't talk to them. He can't spend time with them, and love them. Not unless we allow Him to.
This being said, I will not put Him through what I'm having to go through. I will continue to follow Him. What else could I do?
I hope you never have to go through anything that I had to. I pray for you every day, hoping you realize how lucky you are and that you never, ever, take what you have for granted. God had blessed us with so much, and we seldom realize it.
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